Pressing In And Pressing Onwards

Over a month and a half ago I was invited to join a beta cohort with Flatiron School.  It was totally unexpected and a real honor to be considered.  I was initially quite hesitant to embrace the opportunity because of the amount of commitments I already had going in my world.  Instead, I chose to bite the bullet and give it my best shot.

The cohort began and it was a rush of newness and close-knit learning with a set group of coding students.  I loved it!  But life hit me harder than I originally anticipated.  Sadly, I had to back out of the cohort some weeks later.

It was my intention to remain a full-time member of the cohort so that I could fast-track myself to a career change from public education.  The hurdles, however, in my personal life were higher and more frequent than I could have imagined, post-deployment. (Yes. I recently returned from a nine-month deployment overseas in Afghanistan.) So, there I was, working my butt off day and night, hunched over my computer.  It was steady going for the first two months until the object-oriented Ruby (OO Ruby) section.  Nevertheless, I pressed through the OO Ruby section hard and with more intensity.   But as time passed during my days in the cohort, my pace was stymied by some personal matters that would not relent. In fact, they have not abated.

About three weeks ago I gave notice that I would be leaving the cohort.  It really hurt my heart to have to say those words because I felt as though I was giving up and failing. I must confess that my pride was hurt because I wanted to ignore my limits to handle so much at once.  But the woo of wisdom came through and won my ear and obedience.

So what now?  Financially speaking, I accepted a teaching position as music teacher at a local elementary school to help me to continue my time with Flatiron School.  The toss-up is that what I gain in a fractional boost in monetary security, is a gaping loss in time to devote to my coding.

Unfortunately, I have not logged on to Learn.co to work for close to a month.  My heart is aching over this because starting this new job is consuming so much of my time as well as my energy and heart.  To be quite vulnerable, I want to cry my eyes out!  I need to finish my web development course at Flatiron this year!  I am determined and will not quit, so long as I have some funds left to pay for it, which is about three more months worth of money. So, again, I'll give it my best despite all the hurdles.  

I just have this dream of working on a team of coders to build amazing technologies. Some days I awake and feel as though that dream is slipping away from me, and that I'll forever be stuck here where I grew up, struggling to make ends meet as a teacher.  I know the work that I do as a teacher is important.  But it is not my passion. My passion is technology.  ...And obviously having a job that enables me to afford an apartment of my own would be nice.  Yes. The South Florida tri-county area is atrociously expensive.  The cost of living has far exceeded teacher pay.  And pay raises have been laughable and insulting scraps since the year of the 2007-2008 stock market crash.

When you're in a position where you're looking up out of a pit, all you can think about is getting out and the means to get out of it.  Every protruding stone, rock, tree root, and crevice is viewed as an opportunity or leverage to climb out of a gradually deepening hole in the earth.

I am not giving up. I'm just daunted at the moment by how quickly I can find myself financially trapped if I lose more time and money due to the hurdles I won't enumerate on this public blog. But they are legitimate even though they are negatively impacting my time to work. I recognize that I am not some victim and I am not the only person in the world struggling for comeuppance. I am not special in this way. I just recognize that I have to help myself as I pray to God for mercy, focus, and perseverance. 

Keep me your thoughts...whoever is reading this blog.